Grieving a Loved One with Young Kids

You’ve come to the right place, friend. Dealing with loss and grief is already tough, but having to walk through it with kids, can make it harder.

Your Loss

First, before we jump into anything, I realize this is a sensitive topic and there will be thoughts I leave out for the sake of not writing a 10 page blog post.

Sorry, y’all. I have so many thoughts on loss. I actually might turn this into a blog series one day! Who knows.

Anyway, I want to acknowledge any loss that you have personally experienced, I know this can be tough for many and I am truly sorry for your loss.

I highly recommend Nancy Guthrie’s book, Hearing Jesus Speak Into Your Sorrow  if you are currently walking through loss of a loved one.

Definition of Loss

Now, let’s define loss for a second. I don’t mean loss of a job, moving, or relationships. When I’m speaking of loss, for this blog post, I’m specifically speaking about death.

In some way, shape, or form we’ve experienced death. Whether it be through family or friends, but I’d like to focus specifically on grieving a loved one with young kids.

Kids must understand how to handle death and loss with us. When we let them out into the world, someone or something else will not point them to Jesus in death and loss.

This is our responsibility as their parents to give them a proper biblical perspective.

This topic is one that needs to be coupled with two things:

1. Wisdom

2. Discernment

If you have a two year old, the words you use will look so differently than explaining grief and loss to a five year old.

I wanted to give you a few tips on how we can experience loss with our young kids.

Show them how to grieve

We want to show our kids that when we experience loss and grief, that we can respond with sadness, sometimes, we even respond with anger and lamenting.

BUT we cannot let ourselves spiral out of control and into utter despair.

Now, I’m not saying that we should hide ourselves and our emotions from the Lord. He knows us and our true selves through and through.

However, to show our kids how we deal with death, we must do it biblically.

There are many moments in scripture for lamenting, crying, mourning, weeping, etc.

We can show these moments to our kids in a way that is glorifying the Lord and not glorifying ourselves.

Pray with them

We recently lost my grandmother and it was the first death that my oldest girl has gone through that she will remember.

She knows other people we love have died, but this is the first one she’s experienced.

One of the first things we did together is pray. I was so glad we were able to pray a prayer of thankfulness that ‘grandma-great’ (her loving nickname) went to be with the Lord and that she was no longer hurting.

Maybe you’ve experienced loss in a traumatic way or maybe that person was not a believer. You can still pray with your kids even though your prayer will look differently.

This communicates to them that we run to the Lord during these sometimes, very difficult moments. We want our kids to eventually do the same.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire 
besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my 
heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26

Share the gospel with them

Yes, even the the midst of terrible loss and grief, we can still point them to Christ.

It’s the perfect opportunity for us to share the life and death of Jesus with them.

Why are we able to have hope in such a traumatic death? Why are we able to have peace that surpasses all understanding during loss?

I’ve been asked these questions before and there’s such rest in being able to say that we look to Jesus. He is our great high priest and savior who suffered and was tempted in every way.

And we can tell our kids with our words and actions that because Jesus died a perfect death and rose to life again, we can still rejoice in loss.

Share with them

Everything that I’m about to say comes with prayer, wisdom, discernment, discussion with your spouse, etc.

There are so many factors that go into the explanation to your kids. You must consider their age, maturity, prior experience with death, if any, and their understanding.

Since we are speaking about younger kids, again depending on the type of loss, there must be some withholding, of information. Think of it this way, the Lord does not tell us all things.

1. Because He’s God and He can withhold any and all things if He chooses because He’s righteous and good. He gives us the information we need.

2. It is not good for us to know all things. If we know more than we should, we become anxious, we question, we doubt, and we are not God. We cannot handle and know all things, He does.

It’s the same for our small kids. We can’t give them all the information, especially if it’s a traumatic death.

As they get older and ask more questions, you can do one or all of these things:

– Consult your pastor

– Discuss with your spouse

– Pray

However, we must be honest and not hide the circumstance from them.

This is an opportunity to point them to Christ through death. It’s a chance for us to let them be apart of and learn how to handle death.

Let them react

We know our kids well, but sometimes when death occurs it can trigger their emotions in all sorts of ways.

It can honestly be a blessing with young kids because they’re sometimes not bothered by it or they just have questions.

Let your kids react to the situation in how they need to. Don’t feel like you need to control their response or think they should react a certain way.

Something I’ve learned experiencing loss with kids, is that, they can “act out of character” or do things they normally wouldn’t do.

This is normal. When there’s a transition or shift that disrupts the day to day, kids can do strange things.

That’s okay. All you can do is give them grace and help them.

Let them ask questions

After my dad died, we went to visit his grave back in my hometown.

My oldest girl started asking questions like, “Is papa in the ground? How is he in heaven? Can I go with him? What happens if it rains, will he get wet?”

It was really sweet. All these questions helped me and my grieving because it was such a joyful reminder of the resurrection of Christ.

No, she didn’t understand everything I explained to her, BUT I was not afraid or worried about her questions.

We can answer them honestly and as best we can and point them to Christ.

It doesn’t have to be scary or weird, just let them ask and if you have trouble explaining something, then tell them that.

There is so much more I could say, but I don’t want to keep you here forever. let me know if you would be interested in a series on this specific topic!

How have you dealt with loss? How to do your kids respond? Let me know how I can encourage you in this! Like, comment and share, friends!